4 Steps Towards Self-Love by Denise Richards

4 Steps Ways Towards Self-Love

by Denise Richards

I am sure if someone asked you if you loved yourself you would say yes.  You might say, I am quite smart, caring and interesting.  I know I always thought I loved myself until I suffered a bout of depression and would lie in bed tormenting myself with negative thoughts like “I am stupid”, “I am useless”, “I can’t do anything right”.  Later after lots of self-reflection and therapy I concluded that such self-criticism was not a sign of self-love.

So, what does “self-love” feel like?  It’s a difficult concept and takes time to fully understand it.  I know for myself it’s a continuous monitoring of the critical inner voice and learning to love the hurt abandoned part of myself.  In time my mindset began to shift, and I truly began to feel the tingling of self-love.  It takes practice and lots of inner examination of beliefs and thought processes.  The results are worth waiting for like anything we wish to change whether its to lose weight, change career or get fit, practice and perseverance are the key to success. Then one day like learning to drive a car it becomes automatic and loving thoughts automatically replace the old negative self-berating ones.

Here are my 4 steps for you to consider:

  1.  Become aware of your inner voice.

This is important because we have a continuous inner dialogue which often we are not aware of.  Pay attention to what you are saying to yourself. Are you constantly berating yourself?

So, the first step is to become conscious of your inner voice. Pay attention to what it’s saying.

Notice what you tend to tell yourself most often. What do you say when you do something amazing, and what when you fail.

  1. Take control of your inner voice

The things you hear in your head now have been there your whole life. You might have not paid attention to them before – in which case you might be shocked to hear some of things you say to yourself.

Situations which may trigger your negative inner voice:

  • Looking at yourself in the mirror.
  • Being told off by someone.
  • When you put weight on.
  • Making someone cry.
  • If you make a mistake.
  • When your being lazy
  • When you rest.
  • When someone is mean to you.

Please don’t berate yourself anymore the fact is you have probably been feeding yourself with these messages for years and its now habitual and probably strongly held beliefs.

You can change them with a step by step approach.

Now that you are aware of your inner voice, next time you catch yourself criticising yourself or another take a deep breath and say STOP OR CANCEL whichever works better for you.  This little trick really works as it sends a signal to your subconscious to change what you thought. Then after saying STOP OR CANCEL say something loving and positive to yourself.   After continuous practice you will really feel a lot more positive and loving towards yourself.


  1. Treat yourself like a child

My clients sometimes ask how they should talk to themselves.  I perfectly understand this question after all if your negative voice is harsh and critical we don’t want that same voice talking kindly.

I recommend you change your inner voice and imagine yourself as a child.  This allows you to tune into your inner child and to look without judgement. See that little child in you as a vulnerable creature that needs your love.  We all have an inner child in us and often that critical voice is the hurt child.  Amazingly once you see yourself as a child any harshness melts away. It really is simple, you can do it!!

You know the needs of the child that were never met when we were young are carried into our adult lives.  We may suppress them and push them away and deny their existence, but they are there deep in the recesses of the subconscious causing us to react in negative ways towards ourselves and others.

Nurturing your inner child allows you to fill the needs that were not met in those early years.


  1. Love yourself emotionally and physically

This is the best part of the process, I love it!!

Think of all the people that you love. Your parents, siblings, your lover a best friend.  Do you give them gifts?  Do you like to treat them?  Do you spend quality time with them?

It gives you a great feeling to give to others doesn’t it?

Now its time to give yourself a bit of love.

Think of all the things you enjoy, which bring you delight and pleasure. Then begin doing them with yourself.  It may seem strange to do things on your own in fact it might scare you a bit.  I know I was a little apprehensive.


  • Going to the cinema on your own.
  • Dining alone in a high-quality restaurant.
  • Going to the theatre alone.

The whole point of this is to start doing nurturing things for yourself and is a clear sign that you are happy with yourself and who you are. So, stop depriving yourself from doing things that make you happy.  We don’t always have to spend all our time focusing on what will help build our career or be to everything to everyone else.

A few more self-loving things you can do:

  • Paint or draw or any other type of art that you enjoy.
  • Write.  You can keep a journal or write poems or even that book you have always wanted to write.
  • Cook Healthy food.
  • Visit art galleries and museums.
  • Read your favourite books.
  • Get a manicure and a pedicure.
  • Have a spa day.
  • Dance. Go crazy in your house to your favourite music.
  • Listen to music.
  • Walk in nature.
  • Do Nothing (that’s good too you know!!)

The more you practice self-love, the stronger the message you send out to the universe that you are lovable, and you can attract like a magnet into your life all the wonderful experiences you desire.  Even romance if that’s what you’re looking for.

So dear hearts begin today with these 4 steps and know that if you that one day real soon you will wake up and feel different.  You will be in love.  In love with yourself.

Lots of Love

Denise Richards

Denise Richards is a Clinical Hypnotherapist with 25 years full-time professional experience.  Her life mission is to help others to become the best version of themselves and to realise their dreams and potential.  Denise is also a talented psychic tarot reader using her ability to see the aura and clairvoyance to provide insight and clarity on pressing questions in your life.

She is available at Qi Crystals on Wednesdays between 10am and 8pm for Hypnotherapy or a Psychic Readings.

Leave a Reply