12 Relationship Reminders
by Qi Cargill
1. Each give the other 110% every day and neither of you will want for anything (we borrowed this one from a couple in their nineties who had been together for over seventy years!)
2. Say “I love you” freely and regularly. It’s really easy when you get going to notch up at least five of these exchanges a day and it will make you both feel all warm and fuzzy all day long.
3. Be nice to each other! It sounds funny but the little things add up and help lubricate a relationship day in day out. Thoughtfulness and consideration go along way!
4. Relationships are a delicate mix of nurture and passion and it is unusual for the right balance of these two elements to be present for both partners at all times. It is not realistic to expect your relationship to satisfy you on all levels all of the time. Whilst passion is exciting it is also hard to sustain over long periods of time. If the care and respect (nurture) you show each other remains constant as the passion ebbs and flows (as it naturally does) it is easier to come back to a place of feeling passionate about one another.
5. Keep talking openly and honestly. You only stop knowing each other when you stop letting each other know what you thinking and how you are feeling.
6. Be clear about how you feel at any given moment and learn how to phrase things in a non combative way. “I love you but I don’t like you very much at the moment” or better still “I love you, but I don’t like the way your actions make me feel or the way you are treating me”.
7. People change over time and there will be times in any long term relationship when you are pulling in different directions. Learn to see these phases as a good thing they have the potential to bring new energy and ideas into your relationship.
8. Learn to ride the ups and downs. All long term relationships will have phases when you are more in tune with or less in tune with each other, recognise these phases for what they are knowing that ‘this too shall pass’.
9. The secret to staying together is ultimately a decision you each make not to separate but rather to work through things when the going gets tough.
10. Think about where your ‘love’ energy is going. If you find yourself attracted to someone else do you pour your energy into this fantasy that may or may not turn out to be what you are looking for or do you redirect this energy that has been stirred within you back into your relationship. Try to rekindle the spark you seem to have lost with your partner and limit the time you spend with this new interest.
11. Be quick to apologise and to let things go. Everyone has bad days or gets in a bad mood and all of us say things we don’t mean at times. If you spend lots of time together chances are there will be times when you will take it out on the person closest to you or say something carless that you didn’t really mean or could have said differently. Try to set thing right as soon as possible and if you are on the receiving end learn to forgive quickly and completely knowing that next time the compassion and understanding will be returned.
12. We love making the time to sit in bead and share a cup of tea with each other in the mornings. We take it in turns to get up first and make the other a cuppa. (or try to cut a deal e.g. I’ll love you forever if you make the tea)